Dear Jesus Lord, this division. This isn’t so much figuring out what these five teams will do this winter, but rather an exploration of existential dread and a pantomime of the collapse of society. These five teams will definitely play an MLB schedule next year. For reasons we cannot identify. Put on your waders, it’s going to be muddy.
Chicago WhiteSox
![Dylan stops](https://i.kinja-img.com/image/upload/c_fit,q_60,w_645/ae7dcdf899f69a14cfc545702ce85676.jpg)
Owner Cheapness index: Not just cheap, though completely baffled and holding two fanbases in the same city hostage, waiting for him to die, as both of his teams are completely inert.
Outlook: Awful. The Sox appear ready to start over, have hinted at it, but hardly have anything to beat. You know things are going well when a quote from your new GM’s first offseason press conference ends up as a t-shirt:
Luis Robert Jr. and Dylan Cease would collect something, but probably not as much as you might initially think, given the former’s inability to stay in one piece and the latter’s fascination with letting as many men walk as possible without being seriously beaten. Yoan Moncada and Eloy Jimenez are made of even thinner tissue paper than Robert, and therefore would only be interested in teams that can afford take-a-flyer prices. Jimenez usually can’t even make it to March before being out for part of the season. It must be Arizona air.
As if that weren’t bad enough, the Sox are already making noise that they still want to be the Royals, reportedly going after Whit Merrifield and Salvador Perez, because Reinsdorf is somehow still fascinated with the winners of the World Series 2015 without realizing seven years have passed and they are now complete garbage. He’s still chasing the dream of turning Pee Wee Reese into an entire team.
Even if Reinsdorf were willing, or even aware of his surroundings, this free-agent class won’t produce the two starters and four bats the lineup would need to be good. Here’s where this team is now:
![Image for article titled Here is the MLB offseason outlook for the American League Central](https://i.kinja-img.com/image/ upload/c_fit ,q_60,w_645/23a14f63153242dcb159c0678da53e84.jpg)
Ohtani Meter (1-10 chance to sign him): 1, although they will definitely draw the one they think is his friend to make it look like they are trying. Call it ‘the Yonder Alonso theory’.
Cleveland Guardians
![Shane Bieber](https://i.kinja-img.com/image/upload/c_fit,q_60,w_645/5d0309de644969fcc9282f145cf1ea4b.jpg)
Owner Cheapness Index: Scrooge level
Outlook: If you didn’t know any better, you’d say that now that the Twins have shrunk from the utterly dizzying heights they’ve already reached, this would be your favorite direction next year. If Shane Bieber and Tristan McKenzie both stay healthy, this might be the best young starting staff in the AL this side of Seattle. And maybe they’re stuck in there because they could have missed their window to trade Bieber. He’s in his final year as team control, which is usually when Cleveland, as a matter of policy, bails. That could still be the case, but he’s coming off an injury season and his worst ERA, FIP, strikeout and walk seasons since his rookie year. It would sell for 75 cents on the dollar at best.
Cleveland still can’t hit a bull in the ass with a snow shovel, but they will add two prospects to the lineup in 2024: Brayan Rocchio at short and Kyle Manzardo at first. Combined with the Fabulous Naylor Brothers and Jose Ramirez, there is a hint of a competent offense at work here. They still need a lot of help in the outfield as they still kick in center and right. In a vacuum, Cody Bellinger is doing a world of good here and might even let the Guardians navigate this division. In this reality, they’ll do something like sign Aaron Hicks and call it a day.
Ohtani meter: Less than zero
Detroit Tigers
![Kerry Carpenter](https://i.kinja-img.com/image/upload/c_fit,q_60,w_645/f7684206ce4e19a56dfbc8acd22d28e4.jpg)
Owner Cheapness Index: We have a brief memory of the Tigers who were once the Phillies. It could be like that again, in a time-is-a-flat-circle kind of thing.
Outlook: Did you know the Tigers finished second in this septic tank? We honestly had no idea.
They will convince their fans of the green shoots that appeared last summer in Riley Greene and Spencer Torkleson, who for once did not look completely overmatched. Kerry Carpenter also turned heads last season. That doesn’t mean they can’t use a lot of help.
Javier Baez’s contract is at a standstill, and Canada is more likely to claim Detroit as its own than ever to change its approach at the plate. He only wears gloves now. They just traded for Mark Canha to take up space in the outfield. Colt Keith will eventually take over the third base spot. They can use all the help offered on the ground.
Eduardo Rodriguez has opted out of the rotation, meaning the rotation will be led by Tarik Skubal, who finally played a role after returning from injury in the second half of last season. Matt Manning was on the right side of the diabolical BABIP betrayal last season and will no longer be dancing through the raindrops. Sawyer Gipson-Long has the best in the potential rotation, but will likely have a low innings ceiling. They could use an innings-eater like they had in Rodriguez.
Like the Guardians, with the Twins looking to cut payroll, the Tigers could claw their way to the top of this division with just a few moves. Whether they think this is part of their cycle at this point is anyone’s guess.
Ohtani meter: 2
Kansas City Royals
![Zack Greinke](https://i.kinja-img.com/image/upload/c_fit,q_60,w_645/55dce1812cfb7193ea2f8c4560b29361.jpg)
Look, we all have better things to do than this.
Minnesota twins
![Carlos Correa](https://i.kinja-img.com/image/upload/c_fit,q_60,w_645/04c193df80b48d7d438cb0fa3d8abb55.jpg)
Owner Cheapness Index: Fast growing.
Outlook: It’s probably pointless to wonder what the Twins could add if they just went out and told everyone they wanted to pitch. Which means Sonny Gray isn’t coming back. Minnesota is somewhat unfortunate because it was put in this position by Bally Sports going under, and they don’t have any kind of TV revenue planned for next year and beyond. There’s a limit to what they can pull, given what Minneapolis looks like in April and most of May.
What they would probably like to do is try to mask the fact that Byron Buxton doesn’t really do much for a team if he can’t play in the legendary centerfield, which he can no longer do. His bat alone isn’t worth a DH spot, especially since he only plays half a season if everyone is lucky.
They could get a king’s ransom for Pablo Lopez before his extension kicks in in 2025, but that would also hurt their rotation immensely, especially after the loss of Gray. They could use backend help there, but again, with orders to reduce labor costs, who knows if they can find it and stay under self-imposed limits.
It was a decent offense last season and should only get better with Carlos Correa looking like Carlos Correa again. Last season he found himself on the wrong side of the diabolical BABIP betrayal (.272 vs. a career mark of .312), while making about the same type and amount of contact as always. He should be more like what everyone remembers in 2024, even if he doesn’t reach the heights.
Max Kepler and Jorge Polanco are likely candidates to be traded as they are also in the final years of their deals. If they keep everyone around, they’ll probably still win this division by default, but it will depend on the extent to which they burn their own house in a controlled manner.
Ohtani meter: A hilarious image, for sure, but 1.
Next: NL Central
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