It had everything of a modern fairy tale: girl meets boy during summer vacation, they become best friends, fall in love and get engaged, with reality TV cameras capturing every intimate moment along the way. So when Carl Radke suddenly ended his engagement with Lindsay Hubbard less than three months before their wedding date in November, Summer house fans were shocked – and so was Hubbard.
“I was completely blindsided,” says Hubbard, 37, explaining that Radke never gave her a concrete reason to call off the wedding. ‘He blew up my whole life. I cried, I was angry and I had to find closure on my own. Now I’m in a place where I feel really good about moving on.” Hubbard sat down Us at Daintree Rooftop & Lounge in New York to share more about her devastating breakup, the healing process and how she’s starting to find joy.
How have you been doing since you confirmed your divorce in September?
The first month I allowed myself to feel all the feelings: going through the sadness, the pain, the whiplash. I process [things] by talking about my emotions, and my friends gave me that space. I was able to regain my strength and… [the] confidence of: Okay, I can do this. The way Carl handled everything was such an absolute betrayal of my trust, and when that happens it makes it easier to pick yourself up and get back to the forefront.
So you had no idea this was coming?
Every couple has normal arguments, but nothing that would have been as drastic as a breakup. It was literally the last two weeks of the summer that his attitude and tone changed. There was a lot of belligerence and aggression on his part, and I was very confused.
Planning a wedding is often stressful.
It’s stressful. [Plus, we were] filming all summer. I think people were in his ear, [but] It’s not normal to call off a wedding because you had an argument.
Can you tell us more about the breakup?
It was absolutely humiliating. It would have been one thing if this conversation happened during the summer during the normal filming schedule. But for [Carl] to call up producers and then set up cameras and manipulate me into sitting down [so he could break up with me] after we had already packed up is scary. The whole world discovered it within 30 minutes of me.
Who have you turned to for support?
I have the most amazing group of friends who have gathered around me. We talked, we cried. And women are detectives, right? So we spent the first week psychologically dissecting every piece of this whole breakup.
You and costar Danielle Olivera are close again. Was she there for you too?
She has really been so incredible in this whole process. I had a great time rebuilding my friendships with several girls in the house, and they were there for me all summer. Whenever anything happened to Carl, they were there to validate me and give me advice. It became a story about sisterhood.
What is your relationship like with Kyle Cooke, considering he was critical of you and Carl’s relationship?
Kyle has always had it out for me. He thinks I’m a master manipulator who controls the universe, and he’s good friends with Carl. I think part of him wants to give Carl an ally, and part of him always thinks I’m the one who’s wrong. I’m used to it at this point.
Even though your co-stars doubted you and Carl’s romance, were they as shocked as you were by the way it ended?
No one saw it coming, not one person. There were no red flags. Two weeks before he called it off, I was at my bridal party and he showed up. A week earlier I was at my dress fitting and he was trying on his suits with all his groomsmen. It had nothing to do with wedding planning. There was no cheating.
Was his sobriety a factor?
No not at all.
Your Summer house Costars had said you were moving too fast. Looking back, do you agree?
No, because when you build a friendship that we had for eight years, you know this person; you know their quirks, shortcomings and limits. You bypass the introductory phase.
Was the breakup even more difficult, given the history you and Carl had?
That’s the hardest thing of all. And even now, when feelings arise in my mind or heart, it’s more that I’ve lost my best friend than my fiancé.
Did you leave it up to him to handle the logistics of canceling the wedding?
Correct. Since Carl has decided to call off the wedding, he may be responsible for sending the email [to the guests]. Why would it be my fault? This wasn’t my decision.
What did you do with the ring?
I gave it to my jeweler to sell. I have to make up for all the money lost on the wedding.
Are you still in the apartment you shared?
I live there. I love my apartment. I spent a lot of time, money and effort making this house comfortable for us so he could then burn it down. And at this point, I’m not in the mind space to think about, “Oh, where am I going to live now?”
Your wedding date of November 17 is coming up. Are you going to do something special?
I’m going to start writing my book. It will be a mix of career, dating and family [anecdotes]. I have many stories to tell.
Do you regret your relationship?
No. I will definitely never regret being with him [and] to love someone with everything I have. With every experience you learn and grow and navigate better next time.
What has this breakup taught you about yourself?
That I’m stronger than I ever thought, because if I get through this, everything else will be peanuts to me. I got a lot of them [messages] from girls who say it’s an inspiration to see how I put one foot in front of the other to get back on the road, starting with the bachelor trip, which lasted just three weeks [after the split]. I feel like I’m gaining momentum to find happiness and joy.
You have always said that you want a happy ending to your marriage and children. Do you still have that feeling?
Yes. I will never give up on love. I have a very big heart; I’m not going to close myself off to anyone else who would appreciate it. [And] For the past month, all I could think about was: Thank God I froze my eggs.
What kind of man are you looking for?
Someone who is ambitious and emotionally intelligent, who makes me laugh, who can be intimate with me and lets me be myself. I have a lot of friends who want to trap me [and] I’m sure some people have slid into my DMs. I’m excited for this new chapter. I think it’s going to be very good.