Over the years I have received many questions about how to get my children to eat healthy. At first it was difficult for our family to have picky eaters. I was looking for a way to create better eating habits and encourage family meals.
After re-examining our family’s attitude toward food (and through trial and error), I discovered some “food rules.” This adjustment in the way we view food and eating, along with involving my children more, has worked well for us.
If you suffer from picky eaters, first consider your family’s attitude toward food. Offering a variety of foods helps develop good eating habits. However, having some guidelines around food and meals will help change their eating behavior. And it makes the time you spend at the table even more fun!
Why do we Fussy Eaters?
Often parents assume that their children won’t eat or like certain foods, even if they haven’t complained about (or even tried) certain foods before. There is a perception that ‘kid-friendly’ foods such as chicken nuggets, sandwiches and pre-packaged snacks are the only things they want to eat. So we hesitate to introduce other foods because we fear our children won’t like them.
When a child’s diet regularly consists of these types of foods, they are missing out on important nutrients from a varied, well-rounded diet.
I have also found that the attitudes we teach our children about food are just as important as the food choices we offer. When I have visited other countries, I have noticed a significant difference in the way children ask for food, eat and behave in relation to food.
I definitely think the food we market and prepare for our children in the US needs to change. But I think it’s just as important to change the way our kids (and us!) think about food.
7 Tips to Overcome Picky Eating
When I noticed that our family’s attitude toward food needed to change, I began integrating ideas from other cultures. I noticed that my mother’s French family ate a wide variety of foods, were not picky, and were naturally thin. I started using these ideas with my kids and the difference was amazing.
These are our ‘food rules’, although the name is somewhat misleading. These are not hard and fast rules that make dinner times more problematic. Instead, these are guidelines on how children should act in food-related situations. These “rules” are best learned by example and put into practice as a family, rather than with an iron fist (or wooden spoon).
1. Don’t complain about food
In my house, children (and adults) are not allowed to complain about food. This doesn’t mean they have to eat at every meal. But it does mean that negative talk about food is not allowed.
The main job of food is to nourish us. It’s not for entertainment. This is important to teach children. Furthermore, complaining about food is rude to the person who prepared it and also shows a closed attitude. A negative comment about a particular food can spread quickly and be difficult to undo, especially if there are multiple children. So it is better to abolish this completely!
No one is ever forced to eat if he or she is not hungry (see Rule #6). But everyone needs to sit together and participate with a positive attitude. Those who insist on a negative attitude can leave to get ready for bed.
2. Food is not a reward (or punishment)
To help create a neutral attitude toward food, I never use it as a reward or punishment. I want to prevent my children from creating an emotional bond with food. Because remember: the most important job of food is nourishment and not entertainment.
Many of us (myself included!) have emotional attachments to certain foods. Or we feel a desire to eat certain things in emotional situations. How many times have you snacked when you’re feeling sad, stressed, excited, or bored?
This is also called emotional eating. I want to avoid this in my children, especially as the number of obese children increases. So it is important not to make a connection between food (especially unhealthy) and emotions.
That’s why I don’t use food as a bribe or reward for good behavior (although I’m not perfect at this!). I also don’t highlight certain foods on birthdays or other special occasions. Instead, I focus on experiences. For example, we go to the zoo instead of a birthday cake and sweet snacks.
Likewise, I don’t present food as a punishment or associate it with punishment. I would never say, “You have to eat your asparagus or you’re in trouble.” Although I don’t let my kids complain about food (see Rule #1), it is the negative attitude that is being disciplined, not the action related to the food.
3. Eating is a positive family activity
Eating meals as a family at the dinner table has become less common. But it’s so important for everyone in the family! The trend of eating on the go and while watching TV contributes to negative attitudes towards food. For this reason, I work hard to eat our meals (especially breakfast and dinner) together as a family when possible.
Everyone comes to the table with a positive attitude (see Rule #1). If they choose not to eat, they can stay and enjoy the conversation. This enhances our family time and makes it less about food and more about bonding.
While we eat, I focus on having calming conversations to reduce stress at the table. We talk about things we are grateful for, things that made us laugh. This creates a space to eat more slowly and consciously. And it helps increase their well-being by eating in a less stressful situation.
4. Involve children
This goes a long way in helping kids become more interested in food, especially new foods! Children of all ages can become more involved in the process. And when children are involved, it gives them the courage to try new things. Extra bonus: they’ll learn how to plan and cook meals for when they move on their own!
Ever since my children were little, as young as 2 years old, I let them help. At the grocery store or farmers market you can talk about the different foods and have them pick out new ones to try. I always do my best to explain why certain foods contain more nutrients and how they benefit the body (see Rule #7).
Children can also help with meal planning, preparing food, setting the table and cleaning up. I love this course from my friend Katie Kimball, Kids Cook Real Foods. She offers age-appropriate courses and even has a mini course for young children! It’s a great solution to help prevent (or cure!) a picky eater.
5. Try, try again
In my house, the whole family eats the same thing at every meal. Children are not given special “kid-friendly” food. Once they can eat solid food, they are given small pieces of what we all eat. This atmosphere encourages them to eat what is served and avoids fights over food. If I serve an unusual or new dish, I don’t make a big deal about it. I just present it with a positive attitude and assume they will eat it.
They get a small snack of each food served (a green bean, a bite of sweet potatoes, and a piece of chicken). Once they’ve eaten a bite of each, they can ask for more.
If they don’t like food or don’t ask for more, I reassure them. I explain that it’s no problem as long as they are willing to try every time. I explain that one day (when they are adults) their taste buds and food preferences may change and they may like the food. They are not forced to eat large amounts of food that they do not necessarily like. But I do serve it repeatedly and set the expectation that they will keep trying.
6. Hunger is okay
In our home, we do not view hunger as a negative experience that we are constantly trying to correct. I have known people who have completely lost their natural sense of hunger due to constant access to food.
It’s completely normal (and expected) to feel hungry before eating a meal. Children who are at least a little hungry tend to be happier and more adventurous eaters at mealtime. For this reason, I try to limit snacks and make sure they happen well before meals. It is not necessary to eat continuously.
Normal hunger at mealtime encourages children to eat what is served. It also makes them want to eat enough, so they don’t get hungry too quickly. At the same time, a child who complains and is excused from the dinner table to get ready for bed (see Rule #1) quickly learns to adopt a more positive attitude. It has never taken my kids more than two total nights of missing family dinners to find better prospects.
7. Focus on nutrient-dense foods
I noticed that my mother (and the French in general) ate smaller amounts of higher quality food. They enjoy it more and are less obsessed with it (in general). To make all the above “rules” easier to implement, I focus on cooking nutritious, rich foods from scratch. Every day we process bone broth, raw cheeses, homemade sauces (with butter or cream), high-quality meat, eggs and egg-based foods such as hollandaise sauce.
My kids get a well-balanced meal after eating an omelette filled with meat and vegetables and topped with hollandaise. But they also got a boost of beneficial fats (unlike a bowl of cereal).
Although it is time consuming, I appreciate home-cooked, nutritious meals. So I cook from scratch most days, but on the weekends I also batch cook. This saves a lot of time and gets us ready for the week. And because the kids help (see Rule #4), it saves me time now that they’re older.
Changing my family’s attitude toward food has been a process. But it’s definitely worth it to turn picky eaters into healthy eaters! As you embark on this journey, remember that you are the best role model for your children. They monitor your relationship with food and how you react. Soon, picky eating will be a thing of the past!
Is it a battle for your family or are your kids adventurous eaters? How do you deal with a picky eater? Share your tips below!
