Whether it’s your first kiss or your thousandth, whether it’s with someone new or your old partner, kissing leaves an impression – one that lingers long after your lips part.
And, experts say, kissing plays an important role in relationships. “It promotes romantic compatibility,” says Michael Christian, author of The art of kissing (published under the pseudonym William Cane). “The more people kiss, the more they can communicate on a romantic level.”
Many couples hesitate to talk about kissing out of shame, Christian says. But if your first kiss — or one of the many that follow — isn’t what you hoped for, talk about it.
Don’t be shy about telling your partner what you like or asking what your partner likes to do, says Christian. Just don’t do it while you’re kissing, so your partner doesn’t take it as a reprimand.
Most of us have clear preferences—excitements and annoyances—when it comes to kissing styles.
Christian says men’s biggest mistake is being too aggressive with their tongue. And men claim that women don’t open their mouths wide enough.
For both sexes, the No. 1 pillow complaint is the lack of variety, says Christian. He recommends kissing different parts of your partner’s face, paying special attention to the ears and neck. He suggests gently biting the lower lip and nibbling gently on the earlobe.
Kirkland Desmond, a software engineer in Tampa, Florida, vividly remembers his first kiss with his wife a decade ago. They were sitting on the couch in her father’s living room, and when he leaned over to kiss her, he lost his balance and fell off the couch, pulling her down with him.
“I was so nervous because she was completely out of my league,” he says. “So our first kiss happened while we were laughing, and ten years and three beautiful children later, we still laugh and kiss every chance we get.”
Two keys to an unforgettable kiss are satisfying your partner and satisfying yourself.
“Put your whole body into the kiss,” says Marilyn Anderson, author of Never Kiss a Frog: A Girl’s Guide to Creatures of the Dating Swamp. “Without words, your lips should say, ‘Honey, there’s more where that came from!’ There are ways to always keep it fresh and new.”
She suggests starting with gentle kisses on the neck, moving up to the ear, and then to the lips. Take a few small breaks and then come back to the lips.
And don’t worry about what a kiss can lead to. Enjoy it for your own sake.
Pamela Weiss, marketing director in Los Angeles, offers this tip. “Put a hand on the neck of your kissing partner. It adds passion, like ‘I can’t get enough.’ And let’s be honest: that makes for a great kiss.’
“A good kiss is deep and soulful, and you should feel each other’s love through the kiss,” says Dan Landau, a graduate student in Bridgewater, NJ. “A great kiss is an adventure in itself, not a stepping stone to something else.”
Steamy makeout sessions usually take place early in a relationship or during the honeymoon.
But later, when people are in long-term relationships, too often they stop kissing and lose that intimate bond, says Anderson. In a Red book A poll shows that 79% of women don’t kiss their husbands nearly as often as they would like.
“You have to keep kissing in the game,” Anderson says. “The emotional importance of a kiss is where it all begins and you shouldn’t let it go just because you’ve known someone for a long time.”
“When my wife kisses me, it’s like she’s saying ‘I love you’ to me without words,” says Desmond.
Time hasn’t made Landau and his fiancée’s kissing ho-hum either.
“Our kisses are better now than they were initially,” Landau says. “We know each other on a much deeper level after two and a half years together. When we first kissed, there were sparks. Now there are fireworks.”
