She (we’ll call her Janice, 41 years old) was unhappy with her husband (we’ll call him Pat, 42). After several years of Pat’s failure to maintain an erection, Janice began to blame herself and lost confidence in her sexual appeal. She began to doubt the value of their marriage and decided to see a sex therapist for advice.
After her first few sessions with Rhode Island-based certified sexologist and sex educator Megan Andelloux, Janice worked up the courage to ask Pat to see a doctor to rule out a medical condition. That turned out to be the case: he had weight problems that affected blood flow, leading to erectile dysfunction. At Andelloux’s suggestion, the couple began exploring intimacy that wasn’t just based on erections, while Pat worked on losing weight and improving his overall health. For Janice and Pat it was a new beginning. It was another day at the office for Andelloux.
Most couples begin dealing with relationship issues in traditional therapy settings with marriage counselors or therapists, Andelloux says. But sometimes this professional may not be trained in a range of issues related to sexuality, so a referral to a sex therapist is appropriate.
While trained therapists, such as those with a master’s degree in social work (MSW), receive several hours of sexual training as part of their general education, licensed sex therapists build on pre-existing backgrounds in social work, medicine, psychology, etc. or specific graduate work in the field of sexuality.
The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the central oversight and accreditation body in the field, requires 90 hours of college-level coursework plus supervised clinical hours.
What happens in the offices of certified sex educators, counselors and therapists is all about talking, just like any other form of therapy and counseling. “We are not allowed to touch our customers, and would not consider doing so,” Andelloux says. “Sex never takes place in a sex therapist’s office.”
Her office is a place where clients struggling with all kinds of sexual issues can feel completely safe and open-minded in discussing and working through these issues. “It could be about two people with different levels of desire,” she says. “We see everything from couples dealing with aging and changes in sexual functioning, from women dealing with rape trauma in their sex lives, to men worried and ashamed about the content of their fantasies. is a big reach.”
As a sex educator, Andelloux focuses his work on far-reaching conversations about sex and sexuality, including a typical technique in traditional therapist practices: homework. For couples who have problems with intimacy (a common problem), Andelloux can prescribe something called targeted touch. “I might recommend touching your partner for ten minutes a day, which doesn’t lead to sex,” she says.
Homework continues for Janice and Pat. “They are still together,” says Andelloux. “He has lost weight and gained confidence, and they are working on their sex life as well as their marriage.”
