If you’re a polite person, you probably say “thank you” several times a day without thinking much about it. But when was the last time you were truly grateful for something or someone and took a moment to think about it?
Some people are naturally inclined to focus on the good in their lives, but that’s hardly the norm, says Cortland J. Dahl, PhD, a research scientist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison Center for Healthy Minds. “It goes back to our biology and evolution,” he says. “We evolved not to be happy, but to survive, and focusing on the negative is what has helped us survive in the past.” But today, stress-related problems – including insomnia, depression, digestive disorders, heart disease and many others – are among our greatest threats. Practicing gratitude can help.
What does gratitude actually mean? Definitions vary, but experts generally define it as the affirmation of goodness in our lives, as well as the ability to attribute those positive things to a source outside of ourselves (such as other people or a higher power). Practicing gratitude means recognizing gratitude, either by silently taking note of it or by sincerely thanking others.
If you’re not particularly spiritual or reflective, the idea of intentionally practicing gratitude may seem silly or unimportant. But there’s a good reason to give it a try. Studies have shown that grateful people are happier, sleep better, and have less inflammation. They are also less likely to be depressed and more resilient after trauma. In fact, research has found that people with a type of heart disease (asymptomatic heart failure) who kept a daily gratitude journal had lower levels of CRP, an inflammatory marker, just 8 weeks later. These studies don’t directly prove that gratitude caused these benefits, but the connection is clear.
Not much research has been done on how gratitude affects the brain. But in one small study, researchers looked at participants’ brains via an fMRI scanner during a gratitude exercise. The scans showed that when people felt grateful, there was an increase in activity in areas of the brain also linked to empathy and social bonding.
A larger study involved almost 300 people who contacted a university psychotherapy service. Some of them did psychotherapy alone, others did psychotherapy plus expressive writing, and a third group did psychotherapy plus writing letters of gratitude to other people. Those who wrote gratitude letters in addition to psychotherapy reported better mental health, a change that was still present twelve weeks after the end of the study.
Practicing gratitude doesn’t require you to always maintain a sunny disposition, says Dahl. In fact, he notes that people who are struggling are among those who could benefit most from cultivating gratitude. “Gratitude and a sense of connection are exactly what gets us through tough times,” says Dahl.
Remember that you can be grateful for things that most people agree are important—perhaps a loving family or a job you can rely on—but also for things that seem relatively small. “For example, you can appreciate that someone has a sense of humor. If you take it a step further and acknowledge that that person made you laugh and cheered you up, that is gratitude,” says Dahl.
You can try to be more grateful throughout the day, but most people find that dedicating a specific amount of time to a gratitude practice helps. “Gratitude is a skill that you can turn into a habit,” says Dahl.
Try one or more of the following approaches to get started.
Name three things you are grateful for and why.
Dahl and his wife recently started doing this before going to bed, and they are already reaping the benefits. “We noticed that we were going through a stressful period at work, and we would lie down and go into complaint mode,” he says. “Now we take turns choosing a different focus point and mentioning three things about it that we are grateful for. It’s very simple, but it puts us in a better mood before we go to sleep.”
Write a letter to someone you are grateful for.
Grab a pen and write a note to someone you’re grateful for in your life, suggests Amy Morin, LCSW, a psychotherapist and author of 13 things mentally strong people don’t do.
Be as specific as possible. “Share that you appreciate that they took the time to do something nice for you, or that you appreciate the times they really helped you in life. If you are brave, read them the letter; it will benefit them too.”
Don’t you feel so bold? Write the letter anyway, but keep it to yourself.
Enjoy stories of gratitude.
Many books have been written about gratitude, as well as podcasts and TED Talks, Dahl says. Spending a few minutes every day reading or listening to it can help change the way you think. Try reading a book like The Gratitude Project or watching a TED Talk about the power of “living hymns.”
Create a bulletin board with things you are grateful for.
Think of it as a mood board focused on gratitude. Tape up photos of people, experiences and things you are grateful for and keep them somewhere visible, such as in your kitchen or home office. “Just seeing that message board every day can give you a boost,” says Morin.
Reflection as a ritual.
“I think daily rituals are very helpful, and I meditate every day,” says Dahl. You can develop your own gratitude meditation; all you have to do is sit quietly and spend a few minutes thinking about what is good in your life, big or small.