The only thing worse than meeting your heroes is dating them. I can’t speak from experience, but that sounds like a good opening for a piece about the downsides of dating the world’s pop queen. Travis Kelce is somewhat affable, seems like a total bro, and people still find him attractive even with the molestation mustache. Right now, his approval rating is about as high as it can get, and he’s apparently parlayed that into a courtship with Taylor Swift.
I have no ill will towards T-Swift because this is 2023 and no one needs to listen to music other than what they like. So pardon me if this piece isn’t full of Swift-isms. I know very few, and what I do know would come across as dad jokes, clichés, or both.
From my cursory knowledge of Swift, or indeed any deified female artist, it’s immediately clear that you won’t encounter them. Swifties are so dedicated that they wore Depends to her Eras Tour shows, and saying a negative word is like insulting someone’s dead mother.
As for Taylor herself, she’s written a diss track about pretty much every man she’s dated. I don’t have the exact numbers because there’s no Pop Star Reference database, but it’s enough that even the most outrageous sportswriters are aware it’s a thing.
One thing too is professional athletes’ propensity for affairs, cheating, NDAs and the like, so this couple seems like a perfect match for the tabloids and Kelce seems like a perfect muse for a future Swift break-up ballad. While I don’t like to take a good look at the jock stereotype, the Chiefs tight end has a catchphrase, for God’s sake.
How many times do you think he says that every day? Does he shout at all public events: “You have to fight, for your right, to party”? The White House staff seems to be the only people who can stop him from shouting the Beastie Boys hook, and if regular football fans are fed up, imagine how those who deal with Kelce on a regular basis feel.
Look, I understand the human instinct to lust after celebrities. Men and women do it, and there is a clear status, or validation, that they are looking for. “Hey, look who I seduced. I’m really a mack,” or “I’m really beautiful.”
OK. How many celebrity relationships are still intact? The most notable are Jay-Z and Beyonce, and it didn’t even take a breakup for Hova to be publicly eviscerated by his wife for extracurricular activities. Unless Kelce and Swift have a deal with Max for next season The divorceOutside of TV royalty, there isn’t much reason for the alleged couple to continue dating.
She just finished touring, he just started the season, and I suspect the affair is more likely to take on the feel of a long-distance relationship. then later. Both parties are far too entitled (and wealthy) to endure that kind of hardship, as even normal people, who don’t have a plethora of qualified candidates, have a hard time staying connected across hundreds of miles.
It’s going to take some serious FaceTime, sexting, and dedication (or private airline miles) to bridge that gap. Call me a hater, but I would describe myself as a realist and a romantic, and I’m just trying to prepare two people for what’s in store for them.
But hey, Travis Kelce, definitely go down that path and hope the ending is amicable enough to avoid being attacked by one of the most listened to artists of this century.